Go Fish
by the lurker
Summary: Miss Parker tries to solve the mystery of an April Fool's gag....


THE PRETENDER  
  
Go Fish  
  
by the lurker  
  
FADE IN:  
  
INT. BROOTS' AREA - DAY  
  
BROOTS enters and sits down at his desk. He types quickly into his computer keyboard, calling up documents. A pastry box sits on the desk, with a card atop it. Broots ignores the card, and reaches into the box, extracting a large donut. He bites into it, expecting jelly. ANGLE BROOTS; what the hell? RESUME. He spits out the contents in his mouth onto a file folder on his desk, and pulls out a slightly chewed scrap of paper from his mouth. He rips the donut open, and finds the rest of the paper. INSERT PAPER READING: You should have read the card first, you moron. RESUME. Broots grabs the card and opens it. INSERT CARD READING: Made you look. RESUME. ANGLE BROOTS; cheap shot. His eyes narrow as he realizes that he is the victim of a Miss Parker practical joke. On Broots we,  
  


CUT TO:  


  
EXT. MISS PARKER'S HOUSE - DAY  
  
Establishing time and place, and we,  
  


CUT TO:  


  
INT. MISS PARKER'S BEDROOM - DAY  
  
MISS PARKER enters from the bathroom, wearing a robe and a towel on her head. She walks to her closet, opens the door and SCREAMS in unholy terror. M.PARKER'S POV; a closet containing only dungaree overalls. No sign of her neat suits or dresses anywhere. Just overalls, work boots and cowboy hats. RESUME. Parker looks as if she's seen hell in person. The nickel drops; there is only one person who could have done this to her....  
  


MP  
(snarls)  
Jarod.  


  
On MP snatching a pair of overalls off a hangar, we,  
  


CUT TO:  


  
INT. BROOTS' AREA - LATER  
  
Broots sits at his desk, while SYDNEY is pacing behind him.  
  


SYDNEY  
You're sure it was Miss Parker?  
  
BROOTS  
Nobody else ever calls me a moron.  
  
SYDNEY  
(nods)  
Mmmm, good point.  


  
Miss Parker enters, dressed in overalls and work boots, looking every inch as cantankerous as we've ever seen her. ANGLE BROOTS; who is this woman? ANGLE SYDNEY; barely contained amusement. RESUME. Parker glares at both men in turn.  
  


MP  
First person to utter a word,  
dies. Horribly. Painfully.  
Unspeakably.  
  
BROOTS  
Miss Parker--  
  
MP  
--What did I just say?  
  
SYDNEY  
Not your usual attire, Miss  
Parker.  


  
Parker gets into Sydney's face.  
  


MP  
You have a death wish this morning,  
Freud? Jarod broke into my house  
and removed all of my clothing.   
My entire closet was filled with...  
....this. When I catch up to boy  
wonder, Freud, he is so much more  
than just dead.  
  
SYDNEY  
(smiling)  
What makes you think Jarod would  
do this?  
  
MP  
Oh please, Sydney, who the hell else  
would have? Broots?  


  
Parker smacks the back of Broots' head for emphasis.  
  


BROOTS  
Ow!  
(beat)  
You know, I have a bone to pick with  
you, Miss Parker.  
(off a death look)  
I did not appreciate the paper in my  
jelly donuts this morning.  


  
ANGLE PARKER; are you nuts?  
  


MP  
What are you babbling about, Spanky?  


  
Broots grabs the box and hands it to her.  
  


BROOTS  
Cruel, Miss Parker. You know how my  
whole day is ruined if I don't get a  
jelly donut in the morning.  
  
MP  
I don't know what you're talking about,  
Scooby Doo, I had nothing to do with this.  


  
Broots and MP exchange a look; Jarod!  
  


BROOTS  
What'd I ever do to him?  


  
MP turns her attention to Sydney, who has remained silent.  
  


MP  
What charming thing did Egghead   
leave for you?  
  
SYDNEY  
Nothing. At least, I haven't  
found anything.  
  
MP   
The monster's on a happy little  
April Fool's binge, and he leaves  
Dr. Frankenstein out of it?   
(off a look)  
Oh don't pout, Sydney, I'm sure  
yours is just lost in the mail....  


  
The phone RINGS. INTERCUT TECH ROOM and JAROD'S LAIR.   


  
BROOTS  
Tech room, Broots.  
(beat)  
Uh....just a second.  


  
He hands the phone to Miss Parker.  
  


MP  
What?  
  
JAROD   
Well Miss Parker, how nice  
of you to remember me on  
April Fool's Day, although I  
think I would have preferred  
a box of chocolates.  
  
MP  
Jarod, you freak, how could  
you have--  
(beat)  
What do you mean nice of me  
to remember you?  
  
JAROD   
The racy email you sent me.  
  
MP  
What are you talking about?  
  
JAROD   
It was rather x-rated Miss  
Parker, and frankly, I didn't  
know you felt that way.  
  
MP  
(furious)  
I didn't send you any email,  
Dog boy. Look, I want to know  
what you've done with all my  
clothes.  
  
JAROD   
Your clothes?  
  
MP  
Yeah, you know, the ones you  
removed from my closet. The  
Armani and Channel suits that  
cost an arm and a leg.   
  
JAROD   
Are you saying someone stole  
all your clothes?  
  
MP  
Don't be coy, Jarod. You took  
my suits and left me with these..  
....these....dungarees!  
  
JAROD   
(laughing slightly)  
Someone left you jeans?  
  
MP  
Dungarees, Jarod.  
(beat)  
You're going to pay. Unless  
you want me to string you up  
by your pointy little ears  
the next time I see you, you'd  
better start talking.  
  
JAROD  
Miss Parker, the truth is, I  
didn't take your clothing, any  
more than you sent me this email,  
apparently.  
  
MP  
I didn't send the email, Jarod;  
and if I had, I promise you, it  
wouldn't have been to crank your  
clock.  
  
JAROD   
Tell me Miss Parker, did something  
happen to Mr. Broots this morning  
as well?  
  
MP  
I think you know damned well it did.  
  
JAROD   
(laughs hard)  
I think we've been had by a master,  
Miss Parker.  
  
MP  
What are you talking about?  
  
JAROD   
Is Sydney there by any chance?  
  
MP  
Yes, he's right--  


  
Parker turns to hand Syd the phone, and realizes Sydney is long gone. The nickel drops. She hisses into the phone.  
  


MP (CONT)  
Sydney. That old goat had  
better find a mountain upon which  
to hide, because when I catch up  
to him, he's going to rue the day  
he decided to go grazing in my  
closet.  


  
END INTERCUT. Parker slams the phone down into its cradle and grabs Broots by his sleeve.  
  


MP (CONT)  
Come on Broots, time to make  
Einstein pay for his little  
laugh...  


  
On their exit, we,  
  


CUT TO:  


  
INT. SYDNEY'S OFFICE - DAY  
  
Parker and Broots enter quickly, to find the office empty. There is a note on the desk. INSERT NOTE READING: Gone Fishing. RESUME.  
  


MP  
For his sake, I hope he went  
fishing in Nepal.....  


  
On MP, we,  
  


CUT TO:  


  
INT. MONTE CARLO CASINO - NIGHT  
  
And a very busy casino it is. We PICK-UP a WAITRESS as she zig zags her way through the room. People shooting craps, playing baccarat, roulette. Very noisy, very lively. As the waitress walks by a Chemin de Far table, we PICK-UP VELVET BUSH sitting there.   


  
DEALER  
Madame.....  
  
BUSH  
Cinq.  


  
The hand of the man across the table from Bush, dealing from the shoe, turns his two cards over, revealing a King and a nine.  
  


DEALER  
Neuf a là Banque.  


  
Bush glares across the table, at the guy with the shoe.   


  
SYDNEY (O.C.)  
(to dealer)  
I need another thousand....  
(to Velvet)  
I admire your guile, Ms......  


  
Bush looks up at the man with the shoe.  
  


BUSH  
Bush, Velvet Bush. I admire your  
luck, Mr......  


  
We CLOSE on the face of SYDNEY, dressed to kill in a tuxedo, as he lights a cigarette.  
  


SYDNEY  
Sydney. Just call me Sydney.  
  
BUSH  
Well Sydney, you seem to be  
quite at home with Chemin de  
Far.  
  
SYDNEY  
(smiles)  
Mmm....it's a nice break from  
Go Fish....  


  
Bush raises an eyebrow at him; he must be joking. On Syd's knowing smile, we,  
  


FADE TO BLACK:  


  
THE END  


  
  
  
  



End file.
